dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
