She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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