why didn't you poke me back
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
