mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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