Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
