i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
