dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
