So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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