oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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