I wish you could order shots online.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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