I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We need to get me chipped asap
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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