i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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