Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
