'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
