pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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