I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
