I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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