These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
