oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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