can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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