why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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