He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
