its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
