I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
