her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
