If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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