I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Found the puke drawer
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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