No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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