she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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