I could make wine with my vomit
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
