apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Randomize
