Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
