idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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