ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
