I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
