I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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