Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I wish there were birth control emojis
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
