Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
