glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
