ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
she looked like the before picture.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
