would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
