I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Randomize
