oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I need to calm my uterus...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
