apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
