I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
How does it feel to date your dad?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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