I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
