you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
