My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Enjoy the penises
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
