Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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