Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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