i was born a porn star she said
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You brought string cheese to the strip club
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
