Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Everclear isn't food dammit
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
