SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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