new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
