Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
