It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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