Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
