Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
