Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
