I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
