Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Your penis caused this!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
