I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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