I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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