just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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