You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
