When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
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Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
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She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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