dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
