I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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