wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
