Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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