Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize