Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
