no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
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Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
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I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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