Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
