why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
