Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
This toilet bowl is my home.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
