I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
