I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
