she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
