Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
